Stressful events happen in everyone’s lives. Certain people navigate their way through with more ease than others, why might this be?
People have variable supplies of emotional resilience, the foundation of which starts in childhood as we unconsciously mirror our parents coping strategies, which may be skilful or unskilful.

Another component which comes from childhood is our degree of emotional security, which will be based on the feeling of stability we had in our home and broader environment.

The good news is that as a rational adult we can train ourselves in developing this resilience through better self-care and in developing more awareness around our patterns of reactivity which might inflame things further.

In the world of Mindfulness or Buddhist teaching, when looking at ‘suffering’ we are told not to fire the second arrow. The first arrow is the unavoidable bad event, which indeed will be unpleasant and cause pain. The second arrow represents our emotional reaction to the event which we can control and avoid suffering further.

Examples of how we fire the second arrow are:
• Complaining- this is an outward expression of our frustration and attempts to dissipate this energetic impulse are an avoidance of truly acknowledging the first arrow
• Blame is another diversion technique
Of course, talking a situation through can be hugely beneficial but we need to be very clear around our intention, the energetic impulse behind our speech, the content and whether we are fanning the flames or not.
Increasing our awareness is the key. We want to learn and recognise when we prolong and increase our pain around an unpleasant situation.
In this way, we can re-train the way in which we respond to life’s events and our energy isn’t wasted fighting the things we can’t control.
Another component in this process is positive affirmation and cultivation of inner kindness and gentleness. Over time these become more ingrained and become good habits.

I you want to know more or learn about the path, get in touch.